


Parmigiano and Anime

by Azure (Fancy_Ravenclaw)



Series: May I Kiss You [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, holiday au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12204585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fancy_Ravenclaw/pseuds/Azure
Summary: From an unexpected breakup to an unexpected getting back together.





	Parmigiano and Anime

**Author's Note:**

> I got so many lovely comments on May I Kiss You, that I decided to write a sequel! Thank you for all the love!!

Most evenings at ten sharp, Phil’s phone would ring twice before stopping abruptly. It was a message from Dan Howell, from 2400 kilometres away, telling him it was going to be just their voices for another night. There was no internet in the small apartment where Dan lived with his mum and two siblings, so every now and again he would go to an internet café nearby so they could Skype each other. Those were the nights on which Phil watched the minutes pass starting at ten, hoping Dan wouldn’t still ring, as it meant he would be able to Skype call him at fifteen past ten. Unfortunately, this only happened around once a month.

Sometimes Dan sent a quick text just before ten that just read ‘sono ancora al lavoro. Chiamami domani x’, meaning he was still at work and wasn’t going to make it. Those were the hardest nights.

They’d been together for almost two years and since they started it had only gotten harder. First off there’d been the small fact that Dan was not actually twenty, as he’d said when they’d met on holiday. He was barely eighteen and Phil felt a bit weird about that for a while before accepting that there was nothing he could do about it now and he’d fallen far too hard in love to even hesitate anymore. By the time he’d gotten over that, tragedy struck. Dan’s father passed away from an illness he’d contracted during his job as a paramedic.

Not only did Dan miss his father immensely, but the whole family missed the money as well, and Davide, Dan’s brother, had started university the year before, which meant the family needed more money than ever, but had much less. And Dan was working hard to support them, while also studying hospitality business at the same time. He made long days, often up at five and to bed after midnight, spending the few hours he had to himself on the phone to Phil. That was the only thing that had gotten easier. The calling. When they first started, they’d barely lasted ten minutes on the phone, as there was just nothing they could say that the other would understand. The rare Skype calls were much easier, as they could use hands and feet to try and make themselves understood. Since Dan barely had time to keep himself alive, Phil had taken it upon himself to learn Italian. Their calls helped a lot, and soon enough Phil was rambling on in Italian like he’d known to do it forever.

That night however, when he’d picked up the phone and cheerily greeted Dan, he knew something was wrong right away. His boyfriend always sounded tired – because he always was - but he never sounded beaten down like he did now. He came to the point right away, Phil hadn’t expected him to do otherwise anyway. Dan’s youngest sibling, his sister Carolina, was starting university. Dan had to start picking up the night shift at the restaurant. It wasn’t going to work out. It only got through to Phil in flashes. 

He’d known Carolina was due to start university. He’d asked Dan about it and Dan had been vague about it, saying something about his sister going to study medicine but quickly changing the topic. Now he knew why. 

He spent half an hour trying to change Dan’s mind. Thinking of scenarios in which this could work, even though he knew that without being able to even talk it wouldn’t be much of a relationship anymore anyway. 

Phil had come to visit Naples, where Dan and his family lived, three times over the past two years. He could imagine where Dan was sitting as he was talking to him during this phone call, because he’d pointed it out to him the first time Phil had come over. In the corner of his bed, against the bookshelf, with his legs drawn up to his chest. The siblings slept in the living room, as the only bedroom was occupied by their mother. There was enough room for another bed in there if they got rid of the double bed now that it was no longer needed, but none of her three kids had the heart to ask this widow to give up one of the last things that reminded her of her late husband.

Carolina usually did her homework at the dinner table during their phone calls, and now that she was going to study medicine Phil could imagine she was getting a head start on her reading while listening to her brother breaking up with his boyfriend over the phone. He was almost angry with her, but of course it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault they had no money and it wasn’t her fault she was trying to study her way out of poverty.

Dan broke off Phil’s monologue about trying financial aid by saying goodbye. A last goodbye that Phil didn’t want to hear.

\--  
And so the months passed.

Phil put all his Italian books in a plastic box and shoved it as far under his bed as it would go. He avoided the pasta isle in the supermarket because it reminded him of the fact that Dan’s favourite was spaghetti. He even tried to delete Dan’s number a few times but each time his finger hovered over the “confirm” button and refused to go any further. At least he’d removed the heart emoji from behind Dan’s name. That was enough for now.

He met Ryan at a bar one night, when his friends had dragged him out telling him that he’d been sulking long enough now. Ryan was born and raised in Manchester and his apartment was a mere five minute walk from Phil’s. He was blonde, had blue eyes, and was taller than Phil; he was in every way Dan’s opposite. And although every day thinking about Dan hurt a little less, Phil could do with a distraction to completely take his mind off his ex. So he’d accepted Ryan’s offer for a drink and that night they’d walked to his apartment together.

When they’d walked in the front door, for a moment the realisation that Dan had never even set foot in his apartment hit him like lightning, but the thought quickly left his mind when Ryan grabbed his shirt and started kissing him.

And one thing led to another.

Their relationship rolled on the way one would expect it to, and they kissed at the right moments, laughed at the right moments, and even argued at the right moments. Phil didn’t really think much about the box under his bed anymore.

They went hitchhiking through Finland together and Phil smiled when Louise called them ‘couple goals’. He felt it too. He hadn’t at first, but as they stuck together Phil started loving him, although he still wasn’t sure whether it was attachment love or whether he was really in love. He thought they were good together. He thought they were happy.

Once again it turned out that Phil was apparently terrible at reading situations, as he only saw it coming when Ryan said, “So, we need to have a serious talk.” 

They were sat on a bench in the park opposite the bar where they’d first met a year before. Phil had been expecting something romantic, as he was being taken to a spot that was so important to their relationship. He’d been entirely wrong.

The freezing December cold hit him when he realised what was happening and he was on his feet before Ryan could even speak the words.

“Why?” He just asked.

“Phil, please sit down.” Ryan begged.

“You’re breaking up with me, right?”

“I just thought we could use a break.”

“Why?”

Ryan had tears in his eyes, making it hard for Phil to paint him as a villain. 

“My ex is back in town.” He admitted. “I met up with him last night and I think I need some time to think about this. About us.”

“Did you hook up with him?” Phil asked coldly.

“No, God, Phil no. I would never do that.” Ryan took his hands and slowly pulled him back down onto the bench. “I love you. I really do. But I just need some time to figure out whether I’m still in love with you.”

 

Some people were breakers, others were takers. Phil was clearly a taker. It had never occurred to him to break up with either Dan or Ryan, but it had happened to him and both times it had come unexpected and like a slap in the face.

\--

When Phil walked home by himself after that talk – Ryan had offered to go with him as he usually did but Phil had declined – he sat on the floor in his bedroom for a good hour, doing nothing. He barely moved, but his mind was racing with memories of his relationship with Ryan at first, but they slowly started to move further into the past. To Dan.

He slowly turned around and crawled over to his bed, where he sat still for another minute or so, contemplating whether this was really a smart thing to do. 

It wasn’t, he quickly decided, but that didn’t stop him from reaching under the bed and pulling out the box he’d shoved there a little over a year ago. The lid was covered in dust which Phil attempted to blow away before opening the box. 

Everything was exactly how he’d left it. The dictionaries neatly stacked in one pile, simple romance novels on another. Some postcards and letters with an elastic band around them were on top of a bunch of souvenirs from Italy and gifts from Dan. He picked them up one by one, reading the cards and the letters and running his fingers over the souvenirs. He’d never doubted his love for Dan the way he had with Ryan. He’d always just known that Dan was good for him and that he wanted to be with him. 

 

Over the next few days, Phil returned the items from the box back into his life. He put the books on the shelves and found appropriate spots to place the little statues and candles. He stuck his favourite postcard, the first one Dan ever sent, on the corkboard in his kitchen, so he could look at it whenever he wanted.

On the one hand this made him feel better, but on the other hand it made him feel immature and stuck in the past. He thought he’d moved on from Dan a long time ago, but it was all coming back and evidently it had not been pressed down as far as he’d thought it’d been.

When some of his friends came over one day, Chris remarked that the card in the kitchen bore a striking resemblance to the one Phil had sent him a picture of all those years ago, and when Phil told him that it was in fact that card, he raised his eyebrows at him. 

Phil wasn’t sure which option his friends would find better; him being back in contact with Dan, or him still not being over him after a year and a half. He decided to just keep quiet about it.

\--

Four months after Ryan left, Louise texted Phil a picture. It was a picture of her laptop screen – Louise didn’t believe in screenshots- with a Facebook account open on it. Phil couldn’t believe it at first, but as he looked closer he realised that it was in fact real and the profile picture was one Phil hadn’t seen before. Of course he hadn’t. It was recent and Phil was taken aback by how much Dan had changed. His hair was shorter and his smile more confident.

He looked up Dan’s account on his own computer, and scrolled through the account information. He lived in Scotland, Phil was startled to discover. He was so close to him but he’d never contacted him. His job was listed as being a server at some Italian restaurant near Glasgow. 

Phil had been to Glasgow before. He couldn’t help but imagine the Dan he remembered in those streets where he’d walked himself. But Dan didn’t look like that anymore, he reminded himself as he clicked through his photos. The first photo was from three months ago, which was just after the account had been created. It showed Dan in a server’s outfit, complete with apron, with his arm around another guy in the same outfit. For a moment Phil’s heart stopped beating. He clicked the photo so it opened in a larger window and he scrolled to the comments. A comment from the guy himself, tagged as Jack in the picture, reassured him, ‘dude now that im not there anymore I bet u are running the joint’. Dan had responded, ‘yeah man the new kid thinks im a god’. It was perfect street English. Dan had learnt English.

For some reason this stung. Phil had learnt Italian for Dan, and Dan had learnt English, but not for him. 

\--

It was even harder now to get Dan out of his mind. Every day Phil had to firmly tell himself he was not allowed to send Dan a Facebook message. But no matter how much he tried, he could not bring himself to stop looking at the profile. He eagerly awaited new status updates or photos that rarely came.

Phil was just scrolling through Dan’s likes one evening when his phone rang. He felt caught, expecting it to be Louise ready to call him out on his behaviour, but it was an unknown number. He swiped the green icon to the right to answer the call.

“Phil Lester.”

“Hey Phil, it’s me. Dan.”

Phil glanced at the computer screen in front of him, at the picture of Dan. He wasn’t sure if this was real or if his mind was playing tricks on him after looking at this profile too much. It would serve him right.

“Are you there?” Dan’s nervous voice came from the other end.

“Yeah, I’m here.” He answered, not sure what he could possibly say to his long lost ex boyfriend.

“I’m sorry I never called.”

“It’s fine.”

It wasn’t.

“I learnt English. What do you think?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. How did you do that?”

“I live in Scotland. I moved here seven months ago and took lessons. You learn quickly when it’s your only option.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s true.”

There was nothing left of the easy conversations they used to have night after night. Phil could barely think of a reply that was longer than six words.

“I have a kind of weird question. You can say no.”

“Okay?”

He could hear Dan take a deep breath before he spoke his next words. “Can I come stay with you for a little while? Not long, just until I get a job and can pay for my own apartment.”

“What?” Phil asked, sure he’d heard him wrong.

“I know it’s weird. You can say no.”

“But why?”

“I worked at a restaurant here, but I can’t anymore.”

“Why not?”

“The owner died. The restaurant is closed now and I can’t pay my rent. I’m being kicked out.”

“Of your apartment?”

“Yes. Please, Phil, it’s only for a short while.”

“Of course you can come here.” Phil said. He didn’t even think about his response. About everything that housing Dan would involve, besides the obvious money and food part.

“Thank you so much. I’m sorry about this. I’ll be gone as soon as I can.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. When are you coming?”

“My apartment ends in two days. You were my last hope. I wouldn’t have asked you this if I had any other option.”

“No worries, really. It’s fine.” Phil assured him. The reality of it finally dawned on him and he was sure there was actually plenty to worry about, but he kept quiet. 

\--

A disapproving Louise helped Phil set up the new fold out couch bed in the lounge. 

“What if you fall in love with him again?”

“Honestly, Louise, I’m not sure if I ever fell out of love with him.”

Louise wasn’t sure how to respond to that. The only thing that lessened her distaste for the situation was the fact that Dan had listed his relationship status as ‘single’ on Facebook, so at least Phil wasn’t completely set up for another heartbreak at this boy’s hands.

“You used to love us together.” Phil said, turning over a screwdriver in his hands.

“I also loved Single Phil and I loved Phil and Ryan. I love whatever I think is best for you, Phil.”

“And you don’t think Dan is what is best for me anymore?”

“I didn’t said that. I’m just afraid he’s not, and it’ll all be a big let-down for you. You’ve had enough heartbreaks, I just want to protect you from another one.”

Phil smiled weakly. “Thanks.” He murmured. She stepped in to hug him and he let himself be swept away.

\--

The situation reminded Phil of when he’d first gone to visit Dan in Italy. He’d taken a plane to Naples, and then a taxi to Dan’s house, where Dan was stood outside waiting for him. This time it was the other way around.

He was stood outside the train station in Manchester, squinting against the sun. Summer was coming early that year: it was only the middle of May and Phil was stood in a thin T shirt. He’d also worn it years ago on his holiday to Italy. He wondered if Dan would recognise it.

Chris, the only one of his friends with a car, was a few hundred metres to the right, still in the parking lot. He said he’d wanted to give Phil and Dan some space, but Phil knew he probably just felt awkward.

He checked his watch again. It was now one minute to two. Dan’s train would be arriving at the station right about now, so he’d be walking out any second now. Phil nervously swayed back and forth. He’d seen pictures of how much Dan had changed, but he still wasn’t sure what to expect now that they were seeing each other again in real life for the first time in two years or so. When he’d hugged Dan for the last time at the airport in late July of that year, he’d never expected it to be his last time ever, but when Dan broke up with him he thought that maybe that hug had been the last one ever. And he’d never get to redo it or tell Dan he loved him like he’d wanted to but couldn’t because he was too choked up.

Phil saw Dan appear from the crowd. He couldn’t bring his legs to start moving so he just stood there and watched as he came closer.

“Phil.” Dan said when he was within reach.

“Hey.” Phil responded. It was weird to speak to him in English. He was so used to either attempting to communicate with outrageous gestures or in botched Italian that his brain was unwilling to speak in English.

“It’s good to see you.” Dan said.

“Can I take some of your bags?” Phil extended his hand and Dan offered him two of the bags he was carrying. He didn’t have much stuff, seeing as it had all been packed up into five bags that he’d had been able to take with him on a train.

They walked to the car in an uncomfortable silence.

Chris got out of the car when he saw them and greeted Dan cheerily. It wasn’t until the two got closer to him that he noticed the awkward atmosphere. Chris being Chris tried to make it better by making some jokes while they were on their drive to Phil’s apartment and Dan and Phil both laughed politely. 

Phil could feel that all the muscles in his back and shoulders were hard and tense and no matter how much he tried he couldn’t get himself to relax. He’d hoped that when Dan came back everything would be back to how it was before all this, but that was clearly not going to happen. 

Chris dropped them off in front of the apartment building, either eager to get away from the awkwardness or willing to give them some space. Phil thought probably the former.

They carried Dan’s bags inside and dragged them up the two flights of stairs.

“It still looks like the pictures.” Dan said softly. He put his bags down in the lounge and walked around, delicately touching things he recognised.

Phil’s hand ached to hold his.

“Do you want some tea or something?”

“Yes please.”

Phil leaned his elbows on the counter as he waited for the water to boil. He’d been praying for this to happen for years, but now that it was actually happening everything hurt and he was terrified. 

Did Dan still have feelings for him or was this all just convenience?

Was something going to happen between them or was Dan just going to get a job and move out next week?

When he walked out the kitchen with two cups of tea in his hands Dan was stood looking at a picture on the dresser. Phil knew which picture had caught his attention before he’d even gotten closer. 

It was the picture he had of the spot on the beach where they’d first met. He’d always assured people it was just a memory of a good holiday but most people probably knew that was crap.

“Why did you keep this picture?” Dan asked. He took one of the mugs from Phil and sat down next to him on the sofa.

“I don’t know.” Phil admitted. “I was holding on to something but I’m not sure to what.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“To me?”

Phil’s breath caught in his throat but he nodded. “Maybe, yeah.”

“I held on to you too. I saved a napkin from the gelato place where we went.” He looked down at his tea. “I did it for both our sakes, you know.”

“We could’ve made it work.” Phil countered, not even believing it himself.

“We couldn’t have. In the months that followed I had no time to myself. At all. I wouldn’t have been able to contact you for even a moment.”

“Why did you go to Scotland?”

Dan smiled weakly. “Remember Antonio, PJ and Ale?”

“Yeah.”

“They were all going along with another friend of ours to find better jobs. We could all live in an apartment together and split the rent.”

“They kicked you out?”

“No, Ale and PJ went on to Germany two months ago and Antonio worked with me at the restaurant. But his parents could afford to fly him back to Italy when John died. That’s the owner of the restaurant.”

“Why didn’t you contact me before?”

Phil shrugged, “I don’t know. We were broken up. I figured you’d moved on and I should leave you alone. PJ found your Facebook profile and told me you had a boyfriend. That’s what I thought of every time I got close to calling you.”

“Yeah, we’re over now. Have been for a few months. I’m all single again.” He realised this sounded desperate and maybe even a bit pathetic but he didn’t really care. Dan had been thinking of him too. He’d wanted to contact him too. And so he mustered up the courage to ask. “Do you think we could try again?”

“Try what again?” Dan asked, his hands tightening around the mug.

“To make this work. To make us work.”

“Very slowly, maybe yes.” Dan said. “We haven’t known each other for a few years. We need to become friends again first.”

And so they did.

They talked for hours every night about all the things that happened while they were apart and about all the TV shows they’d watched and books they’d read. They watched Anime together and pointed out the characters that reminded them of each other. Dan made Phil the best coffees that he’d learnt to make at the restaurant in Scotland and Phil showed Dan all the videos and films he’d helped make in his work as an editing assistant. When Phil was off to work, Dan spent hours on the computer applying for jobs and as time passed he found the courage to apply for jobs in walking distance of Phil’s apartment. He had a degree in hospitality business and had plenty of experience in the field. It was only a matter of time until someone hired him and Phil was just hoping that Dan would take a job close to him.

It really felt like they were finding their flow again. Their chatter came easily and when they watched TV in the evening they sat closer every night.

Phil’s hand was still burning with how much he wanted to take Dan’s hand in his. When they sat on the sofa next to each other their hands were so close it was almost like they were both waiting for the other to initiate. So one night, when Dan had been with him for a little over three weeks, Phil initiated.

They were watching X Factor reruns with their hands lying in between them, and Phil just reached out and touched Dan’s. The latter turned his hand around, with his palm up, inviting him in, so Phil carefully put his hand on Dan’s and intertwined their fingers. When he looked up their eyes met, and although Dan was blushing, he seemed happy.

\--

Exactly 27 days after Dan had moved in, he burst into the apartment with a few sheets of paper in his hand. Phil, who was sat at his computer, squinting at his editing software, looked up in surprise.

“I got the job!” Dan shouted. He shoved the papers under Phil’s nose and repeated himself. “I got the job! I’m officially an assistant-manager and waiter in a restaurant.”

“That’s amazing.” Phil said, putting his laptop aside to pull Dan into a hug. “When do you start?”

“Next Monday.”

“And where is it?” 

Of course Phil had been hoping for Dan to get a job. Of course he wanted him to feel successful and do well. But he’d been dreading this too, afraid that Dan moving out would cut them off again. He didn’t want to have to go back to living without Dan, especially not now that he knew Dan was so close to him.

Dan went red when Phil asked his question. “Two blocks over.” He said.

“So you’re staying here?” It was out before Phil could stop himself.

“I could start looking for my own apartment. I can leave as soon as I’ve got some money.” Dan seemed almost apologetic but this was entirely not what Phil meant.

“You can stay here.” He said hastily. “I mean, you are welcome to move in properly. You can always move out later if we don’t…” He couldn’t find the right words, but he could see on Dan’s face that the other understood.

“We can talk about this later.” Dan decided after a short silence. “I’ll make a celebratory dinner.”

They took a bus to the Italian specialties shop for the first time since Dan had arrived. As the Italian boy walked around and marvelled at all the things he recognised from home. Phil only had eyes for him. He couldn’t care less about the pastas and Baci chocolates. All he saw were the lights in Dan’s eyes and the excited skip in his step when he found the parmigiano cheese he used at home in Naples.

The food here was much more expensive than at the supermarket but it was so worth it when Dan wouldn’t stop smiling the entire ride back, and kept reading the back of the parmigiano tube, fondly holding it in his hands. Phil reached out and put his hand on Dan’s knee. Dan’s eyes shone when he looked up at him.

\--

From that moment on, Phil started taking the bus to the Italian specialties shop just to get Dan’s parmigiano. He started to practise his Italian again when speaking to the employees. It made him imagine a future in which he would raise his children multilingually, speaking English now, Italian then. Both their fathers’ languages.

 

Dan turned out to still have that work ethic that Phil so admired. On his off days he cooked elaborate meals for the both of them and danced around the house. Working hard gave him more energy instead of exhausting him.

Neither of them brought up moving out for another two months after Dan got his job.

Phil, surprisingly, was the one to mention it again. He attempted to be casual about it, so as to not scare Dan and make him think it was time for him to go.

“So have you been looking at apartments too now?”

Dan’s head shot up. He had been buried in one of Phil’s Stephen King novels for a few mornings in a row now, and this one was no change. 

“Not that I want you to move out or anything.” Phil quickly added.

“I can leave if you want.”

“No, no. I don’t want you too. I really don’t want you to.”

Dan put his book aside without putting a bookmark in. “I don’t want to leave.” He said quietly.

“Then don’t. You can stay with me.”

Dan looked down and fiddled with his fingers. “I think we still fit.”

When Phil didn’t respond, he added, “Us. Together.”

“We never stopped fitting together.”

“You had Ryan.”

“It was always you. I never felt for anyone else what I felt for you.”

“I think I’m ready to try again.” Dan finally lifted his head to look Phil in the eye. The latter was smiling broadly.

“We can take it as slow as you like.” Phil said, reaching out to put his hand over Dan’s.

For a moment he was left hanging, afraid that Dan wouldn’t want to hold his hand as the boy didn’t move to meet him halfway, but he soon forgot all about hands when Dan moved in to kiss him.

He hadn’t been in this situation in years, but it still felt so familiar; Dan leaning in, his big brown eyes coming closer and then closing expectantly. Phil didn’t waste any time in pressing their lips together. It only took them a few seconds to get back into their rhythms. It was as if their bodies still remembered each other and their movements were still saved somewhere in muscle memory. Hands ran over backs and ran through hair, like they hadn’t had to miss each other’s bodies for years and it was only yesterday since Phil last felt Dan’s spine through his shirt and had pulled him closer by his belt. Nothing had changed.

After that day, neither of them brought up Dan moving out again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! x


End file.
